


A Smartass's Guide to Foreplay

by orphan_account



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Banter, Brief mentions of characters, Character With Learning Disorder, Copious Amounts of Insults, Copious Amounts of Swear Words, Dyslexia, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Flirting Through Insults, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Learning to trust, Slow Build, Trust Issues, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 23:34:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1960410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Her name is Brienne," Jaime said suddenly. Brienne and Hyle both turned to look at him. Hyle readjusted his stance and narrowed his gaze at Jaime.<br/>"Excuse me?"<br/>"Her name, it's Brienne. B-r-i-e-n-n-e. Occasionaly wench, affectionately troll lady. I'm her life long bantering partner Prince Charming, locally known as Jaime Lannister. Who the hell are you?"<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Affectionately Known As Troll Lady

**Author's Note:**

> And, it starts.  
> Leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed! More to come!

It's disgusting outside, Brienne mused as she waited patiently in line at a Starbucks. The huge glass window revealed pouring rain and flashes of lightning. Brienne gave a grimace at mother nature and readjusted her bag slung over her shoulder. The weather hadn't been nearly as bad when she walked from her college dorm for a quick cup of coffee before heading to the library to study. She rolled her eyes now at the prospect of running through the biblical catastrophe outside just to study. Her grades were immaculate, her tolerance for anything cold and rainy, was anything but.

"Holy shit, Goliath is that you?"

Brienne whipped her head to the side and saw Jaime Lannister a few people behind her in the ever slowly moving line. If there was ever a walking definition of a jackass, it'd be him. He took immense pleasure in antagonizing her ever since he'd seen her in their shared English Literature class. He absolutely  _relished_ making her life hell. She rolled her eyes hard enough that one might think she'd seen her fucking brain. She pinched the bridge of her nose before ruffling her hair and plastered a smile on her face and turned back to him.

"Holy fuck, Ken? Does Barbie know you left the dream house?" She shot back adding an extra fake dose of nicety to her voice. Lannister smirked in response and was about to say something else when the line moved. She turned forward and was happy enough to see she was only three people away from the counter. A nice large cup of coffee and a quick dash through armagedon back to the dorms to watch a marathon of 'Firefly' seemed like heaven.

She heard a small commotion behind her and turned lightly before meeting Jaime face to face in a proximity that left her with a hard blush and having to take an inelegant step back. Some other customers behind them threw up their hands and gestures in their displeasure at Jaime for cutting in line.

"You're going to start a riot, get back in line you ass," Brienne said lightly as she pushed him back with a hand placed on his chest. He grinned with a cutting edge before turning to the disgruntled customers.

"Sorry, everyone I just wanted to talk to my friend the Jolly Green Giant," Jaime said in his most charming tone. Brienne heard a few laughs and some people calmed down as soon as they glanced at her pissed off expression. She glared heatedly at the men and women that laughed and grinned when they hurridely looked away. She'd be damned if she took ridicule from strangers, least of all caffiene addicts with a penchant for douchebaggery.

"Looks like the king of dick bags finally found his peasants to rule," She tossed over her shoulder before moving up in line. Fuck, she just wanted coffe for the seven's sakes.

"You look rather unspectacular as always, tell me aren't you late to pull Paul Bunyan's cart you big ox?" Jaime half snickered as he ran a hand through his shiny gold locks. Brienne scoffed and straighted her vintage army jacket before she responded.

"You're cancer for the human soul. I can literally feel my personality turn a dull shade of grey whenever you're near me."

"Oh, come on Brienne, when did you develop a personality?" Jaime returned with ease. Brienne tossed her head back in a mocking laugh and eagerly moved when the line did. One person away from sweet, carmel, hazelnut heaven.

"Rainman called. He wants his social skills back. For the love of the seven, why are you pestering me? Is there not a sorority girl you should be sexually harrasing, or a fraternity hazing that simply cannot continue without your authority?" Brienne countered. The line moved again and she was finally at the counter. She ordered her drink and the barista was about to tell her her amount due when Jaime stuck his pompous head over her shoulder and told the barista his order as well.

"The order's together," Jaime said smiling and rested a hand on Brienne's shoulder. She shook the offending hand off. His touch had warmed her through her jacket and shirt.

"I'm not paying for your dumb drink. Seperate orders please."

"You don't have to pay wench, I got it. Together please," Jaime said sliding some bills over the counter. The barista looked over to Brienne before taking the bills and continuing with the order.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Brienne asked as she was handed her drink minutes later. Jaime just grinned and shrugged and followed her over to a small table by the window. The weather hadn't let up and Brienne was thinking twice about sprinting back to the dorms.

As soon as Jaime sat down across from her she eyed him warily and took a sip of her own drink and practically sighed at it's deliciousness. She closed her eyes and savoured the taste before opening them and finding Jaime looking at her. She reflexively looked away and brushed her short hair back.

"What?" Brienne asked harshly when she turned back to him. He was in another midsip  and took his time placing his cup on the table.

"You know, I don't think we've ever been friendly towards eachother," He said suddenly and Brienne couldn't have felt more confused than at that very moment.

"Yeah, well, that's not my fault. You attacked me first."

"Oh, I'd hardly call that a fucking attack-" He started and rolled his eyes, his hand flew through the air in a grand gesture. Brienne smacked it out of the air and glared at him.

"As I recall you took one look at me and apparently lost every ounce of a decent human being and said, and I quote, 'Godsdamn you're the biggest woman I'd ever met! Not that you're close to looking like a woman, you are a woman right?' And then you had the fucking _nerve_ to look _offended_ after I'd punched you. You're a child," Brienne stated and took another drink. Jaime smiled at the memory.

"That's the weakest insult you've dealt me so far. 'A child'. And, okay, look I'm an ass. Obviously I'm a complete ass but I think that maybe we could work on it," Jaime said with a smile. Brienne felt a small shudder go up her back; mixed feelings, she'd have to call you back on the outcome.

"What are you playing at Lannister?" She questioned and pointed one a finger at him. He looked disinterested at the finger in question and pushed her hand down to the table.

"Fuck, all right you win. I'm here about the project for Mrs. Stark's class. You know the partner one? The collage on a famous english myth or shakespeare shit? Then the fucking encyclopdia we have to write with it and the presentation in front of the class? Look, my grades are not the best and in order to keep my scholarship-"

"Not like you couldn't afford the tuition trust-fund baby," Brienne grumbled. Jaime's face darkened for a moment and he gave her a hard look.

"Lay off the money thing okay? It's beneath you to insult the obvious."

"You insult my looks, as if they aren't obvious enough, idiot."

"It's not beneath me, just you. You're better than that."

Brienne felt her eyebrows shoot up. Jaime had never complimented her before. Even if it was a half assed one.

"Uh, thanks," Brienne mumbled out. She grabbed her drink to occupy her hands and didn't know if it was just her that felt the air crackle with awkwardness. Jaime apparently didn't and waved her off.

"Don't mention it. Anyway, you've got the best grades in the class, and I'm pretty sure you don't have a partner," Brienne didn't, "So I was wondering if you'd do me a solid and help me out and be my partner for the project."

Brienne gawked before laughing and took a slow drink of coffee.

"The great Jaime Lannister asking me for help. Why should I?" Brienne asked smugly. Jaime sat back in his chair and gave her an equal stare.

"I'd stop being an ass."

"No you wouldn't."

"Okay I wouldn't, but I'd do a decent amount of help for the project, it'd help your school reputation considerably and I swear on the seven even if I don't stop being a cunt, I'll at least tone it down. Plus I'd be forever in your debt. What do you say?" Jaime asked leaning onto the table. There was a certain spark in his eyes and Brienne glanced out of the window before she looked back and searched his face for any sign of mal intent. She opened her mouth to speak when,

"Holy shit BriBri?"

Jaime and Brienne turned to the voice and saw a young handsome man with some scruff and a green beanie covering his head approach their table.

"Hyle," Brienne grimaced. She glanced at Jaime who gave her a questioning look. Hyle leaned in for a quick hug but Brienne pulled back and gave a cold look his way. Hyle straightened up dramatically.

"It's been a long time BriBri," He said and smiled and playfully nudged her arm. She glared at him and sneered.

"You don't get to call me that."

"Hey BriBri, all that shit's in the past, let's just-"

"Her name is Brienne," Jaime said suddenly. Brienne and Hyle both turned to look at him. Hyle readjusted his stance and narrowed his gaze at Jaime.

"Excuse me?"

"Her name, it's Brienne. B-r-i-e-n-n-e. Occasionaly wench, affectionately troll lady. I'm her life long bantering partner Prince Charming, locally known as Jaime Lannister. Who the hell are you?" Jaime asked giving Hyle a sneer. Brienne looked quickly between them, coffee cup clutched between her hands.

"I'm Hyle Hunt, me and  _Brienne_ go way back," Hyle said throwing a smirk at Brienne. Brienne rolled her eyes.

"I wished I'd fucking left you there," She mumbled into her cup. Jaime smiled and fixed Hyle with an unimpressed stare.

"I don't think you're welcome here. _Hyle Cunt_ ," Jaime said amused. Hyle snorted in response before he turned to Brienne.

"Friendly advice, try not to hang out with ass hats like this guy. See you around Brienne."

"Probably not," She responded as he walked away. She took a drink of her coffee but it tasted less than exemplory and she set it back down. Her skin felt clamy and memories flashed through her mind. None happy and all terrible.

"Who was that shit dick?" Jaime asked, swirling his coffee in his hand, blatanlty pretending to be uninterested. Brienne settled in her seat.

"Don't want to talk about it."

Jaime gave her a look that was hard to read before he shrugged.

"Whatever, he's a bitch anyways. You're better off without him."

Brienne smiled lightly and placed her hands in her lap before she turned her attention back to Jaime.

"I'll partner with you, but I will fucking end you should you continue to be the degree of asshole you are," She warned him. He put his hands up in mock defense and smiled brilliantly.

"No problem boss. You got it."

They sat there for a few moments in silence as the rain continued to beat down outside. Brienne occassionaly looked to Jaime before her eyes flicked back to the hurricane outside.

The moments stretched and the silence turned a bit uncomfortable.

"So, how've you been?" Jaime asked, every bit feeling the awkwardness as she.

"Gods don't do that."

"What? I'm being polite."

"Don't. Don't be polite. It's not... not you," Brienne struggled to find the words. Jaime nodded his head in agreement.

"True. So..."

"Oh for fucks sake, just insult me," Brienne huffed. Jaime's eyebrows rose and he looked incredulous.

"Honestly?"

"Just do it, it's too weird going from regular insults to none at all in a short time. We'll work on this shit later. Do it."

"Okay, you sure?" He asked, a grin appearing quick enough. Brienne nodded and threw out a hand for him to continue.

"I've seen transvestites who looked more feminine than you."

Brienne gave him an impressed look.

"You're so pathetic your imaginary friend hates you," She tittered back. Jaime smiled.

"If I give you some Midol will you shut up?" He answered back. Brienne grinned, this had turned into a twisted little game, but fuck it was fun.

"If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ."

"I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a better statement than that," Jaime struggled to not laugh. Brienne brought a hand up and covered her mouth, for the biggest smile she'd ever had was threatening to split her face.

"I've heard smarter things from a schizophrenic with tourette's."

Jaime threw his head back and laughed loudly, Brienne did the same. He wiped tears from his eyes and have her a winning smile.

"Fuck that was a good one. This is a start to a beautiful relationship, oh gods!" And he kept laughing. Brienne followed suit.


	2. 'Mhm', And What Does 'Mhm' Mean Shortshit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you think, and maybe I'm being overprotective of my baby Brienne but hear me out, that maybe Lannister is doing what Hunt and Connington tried to do to you?" Margaery asked, her voice going soft in that way it does when she's talking to one of the patients at the hospital she volunteers at. Brienne bit her lip and pulled her too long legs up to her chest.  
> "I mean, I've thought about it. You know, because it really is so weird that after all this time with the insults and the fighting and all this other bullshit he'd just suddenly ask for my help."  
> \---  
> "The problem with you, Jaime, is you have yet to learn that we need people in our lives who won't put up with our shit."  
> "I don't exactly see you with anybody shoveling your shit pile."  
> "I have too much shit for one person to handle."  
> "Same here brother, same here."
> 
>  
> 
> In which our two favorite characters talk to their personal therapists and I try hard to not butcher the second chapter.

"So, he just out of nowhere asked you to be his partner for this project?"

Brienne looked over to Margaery who was lounging cat like and oh so gracefully across her regulated dorm bed. Brienne finished chewing the last remnants of her snack time banana before she answered.

"Yeah, it was pretty much the weirdest shit I've experienced," Brienne said as she tossed the peel of her banana into the trash bin across the room. It landed with a wet thud and Brienne looked to Margaery a second time with eyebrows raised expectantly.

"Considering the distance, I give you a score of eight."

Brienne scoffed and mockingly put a hand to her chest in horror.

"I call bullshit ref. That was grade A talent and I demand a higher score."

"You'll get a higher score when you master banana throwing. Throwing that dick shaped fruit is a fucking art I tell you," Margaery said with a smile, flipping her hair and striding over to her vanity where a stock pile of perfumes and makeup and fruity scented hair oils that Brienne couldn't even begin to fucking describe littered all about.

"Did I mention I saw Hyle Hunt too?" Brienne asked as she watched Margaery's face in the mirror. Margaery's almost always present smirk died on her face and she turned so quickly in the tiny white chair, Brienne thought she might tumble right out of it.

"Is he dead? What happened? When?" Margaery asked. She held a brush in her hand and it looked quite lethal in her manicured fingers. Brienne took a breathe and settled herself even more on her bed before she picked rather gratuitously at the fuzzies attached to her worn out and too short pajama bottoms.

"It was when I was chatting with Lannister. He had the nerve to call me fucking _BriBri_." Brienne made a pained expression and saw the mirrored distaste on Margaery's face. "But, I mean, Jaime really did most of the talking with him. It was weird, like really fucking weird, because it was like Jaime was _defending_  me?"

Margaery turned back to her vanity and set the brush down for a moment before she turned back to Brienne with her nose scrunched up and a sharp edge to her eyes. She tapped her fingers along the vanity and opened her mouth before shutting it and then opening it again. 

"Do you think, and maybe I'm being overprotective of my baby Brienne but hear me out, that maybe Lannister is doing what Hunt and Connington tried to do to you?" Margaery asked, her voice going soft in that way it does when she's talking to one of the patients at the hospital she volunteers at. Brienne bit her lip and pulled her too long legs up to her chest.

"I mean, I've thought about it. You know, because it really is so weird that after all this time with the insults and the fighting and all this other bullshit he'd just suddenly ask for my help."

"Well, what's your gut tell you Brienne?" Margaery asked pointing at her. Brienne stretched out on her bed and stared at the ceiling.

"He's a complete shit biscuit, I  _know_ that, but I'm pretty sure he's not a fucking evil like Ron or Hyle."

"What if he is?"

"I'm better now than I was a couple of years ago. If it comes down to it, I'll just rip his dick off," Brienne said casually. Margaery let out a big guffaw of laughter and reapplied her lip gloss.

"If it ever came down to that, I want a front row ticket."

Brienne rolled her eyes but gave Margaery a thumbs up.

"So what did you guys talk about after he asked you for help? Was it awkward? Is he super nice to you now or what?"

Brienne scratched her stomach and thought about how the rest of their shared evening went. They stayed in the coffee shop for at least another hour, maybe two, both not wanting to risk it through the godsdamned flood outside the Starbucks. For the most part they kind of, just, _insulted_ each other really. And, yeah, they talked and exchanged numbers for the project. Jaime had taken extra time putting her number in, focusing on the letters of her name on his keyboard. Then when it was over they kind of... dispersed? Brienne isn't saying she hightailed it out of there but she didn't exactly linger to watch him leave, and Jaime didn't stick around to see her off. It kind of ended how it started; awkward and peppered with a high dosage of sarcasm and douchebaggery.

"We exchanged numbers for the project, talked about the project, made being mean to each other a fucking Olympic sport. It was actually sort of fun."

Brienne glanced at Margaery who was seated and turned her way with an evil, evil smile.

"Were you guys, like, flirting or something?"

Brienne stilled before she scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"You're kidding right. This is Jaime fucking Lannister. He's an asshole to me every chance he gets."

"Yeah but, he did make you laugh right? And you made him laugh right? I don't know Bri, maybe the stars are lining up and you'll have little golden haired kids running around your house in your future," Margaery teased, running her hands through her already perfect hair. Brienne sat up and ran a quick hand through her own hair.

"Don't even start Marge."

"Jaime and Brienne, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes copious amounts of little golden haired Lannist-" Margaery's sentence ended abruptly when Brienne's pillow made solid contact with her head.

"Did you just throw a fucking pillow at me?" Margaery said with a dumbfounded expression. Her once perfect hair, sticking up where the pillow had launched and landed. Brienne bit back a smile and choked on the laugh bubbling in her throat.

"Dude, your fucking hair," Brienne said, struggling not to laugh, and pointed to the chaotic mess. Margaery turned to look in the mirror with a horrified expression before she glanced down and grabbed something quickly off the vanity, her face the epitamy of fucking _evil_.

"What are you doing?" Brienne asked, scooting herself up her bed as Margaery advanced. She looked to Margaery's hand and saw a little tube of plastic red.

"Oh nothing, just thought you could use a little color on your face. This is 'On Fire Red' by Maybelline, it'll look great on you. Stay still now!"

"Don't you fucking dare Marge. Don't you- Marge! I said to fucking- No!"

"Hold still!"

"No! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wai- Gods fucking dammnit."

\---

"But, I thought you hated this girl?"

Jaime's brow furrowed before he took a sip of his drink and faced his brother.

"No, I don't  _hate_ her. She's just really fucking fun to annoy. You want a drink?" Jaime asked already filling up a glass cup up with the same whiskey he'd poured himself.

"You know me so well big brother," Tyrion flashed Jaime a smile and accepted the glass with pleased look in his eye. He took a sip and gave Jaime an appreciative nod.

"Johnny Walker?" Tyrion asked and took another sip.

"Gold." Jaime replied and took a sip of his own. It warmed his throat and pooled pleasantly in his belly.

"So, tell me more about this Brienne Tarth," Tyrion said settling his drink on his lap and letting his short legs swing over the edge of the high couch. Jaime snorted and took another drink.

"What's there to tell? She's a gigantic, stubborn, sarcastic, aggresive, beast of a... _wench_." Jaime seemed pleased with his word choice and lifted a brow when he saw Tyrion smirk behind the crystal rim of his glass.

"Mhm," Tyrion hummed. Jaime narrowed his eyes and warily took another drink.

"'Mhm', and what does 'Mhm' mean shortshit?" Jaime asked watching Tyrion's mix matched eyes fucking _sparkle_.

"Oh nothing. It means absolutely nothing. So when do you start this project?" Tyrion asked changing subjects quickly. Jaime slumped in his chair and swished the contents of his glass around.

"Don't really know, waiting for her to text me."

Tyrion gave Jaime and incredulous look.

"You asked her to help you and you're waiting on a signal from her? Why don't  _you_ ask  _her_ what a convenient time for the both of you would be?"

Tyrion gave Jaime a disapproving look.

"I do not text first."

"Oh, grow some balls and learn to interact with people."

"Excuse me, people fucking flock to interact with me," Jaime scoffed and flipped Tyrion the bird. Tyrion, in response, made a fist and made a show of shoving it through his other hand.

"So you can have five minute conversations with pretty women at bars and talk to other students, but I guarantee the only people you text are Cersei and me. And only one of those relationships is fucking healthy," Tyrion said taking a long drink and making a happy face as it fell down his throat.

Jaime gave him a cool look and glanced down, suddenly fascinated by his whiskey.

"I haven't talked to Cersei for months now. I'm not that pathetic," Jaime gave a small sneer as he turned back to his brother. Tyrion gave a small shrug and a placating smile.

"Of course you're not  _that_ pathetic, you just happen to have the same social skills as fucking Rainman."

Jaime snorted and a small grin appeared on his face.

"What are you laughing about?" Tyrion asked, eyeing Jaime's amusement with his own.

"Brienne said the same thing to me."

"Sounds like she knows her shit."

"I guess she knows a little," Jaime smirked and finished his drink, getting up and making another.

"So text her," Tyrion said as he rolled his eyes, his tiny hand up in the air with exasperation. Jaime raised an eyebrow in response.

"You're set on me doing this aren't you?" Jaime asked sitting down with his new glass. Tyrion gave him a heavy dose of stink eye.

"I'm set on you making some friends, you cumbersome idiotic shit."

Jaime groaned but took out his cell anyway. He somewhat  glared at it and looked back to Tyrion.

"It may take me awhile to even send a short message," Jaime sighed and looked to Tyrion.

"I thought you were doing well with your dyslexia?" Tyrion asked, a flash of concern glinting in his eyes. Jaime rubbed his hand over his face.

"It was fine, I've just been under a lot of stress. I'm passable in all my classes except for Stark's Literature class."

"And the source of stress being-" Tyrion started.

"Cersei," They both finished. They shared a look before Tyrion glanced down to the phone in Jaime's lap and then back to Jaime's face.

"Alright! Fucking fine! I'll text her. Seven hells," Jaime complained. He took his time and reviewed the message four times before sending it off.

"I'll have you know it's three in the morning and someone as studious as this wench won't even be awake at this hour. She's probably trying to get the recommended eight hours of-"

A small chime rang from his phone.

"Mhm," Tyrion smirked again.

"Fuck off," Jaime said half heartedly. He opened the text with a slide of his thumb and took his time reading her message. Tyrion smiled and finished his drink.

"What did she say?"

"She said she'd meet me at the library tomorrow at four," Jaime's face broke into a grin. "She then proceeded to call me an annoying fucker and 'Do you even know what time it is? Go to sleep Lannister.'"

"Hmm. I like her."

"Oh really?"

"Most definitely. She doesn't put you on a pedestal, which is in fact, what most people do when they find out who you are," Tyrion grinned and offered Jaime his empty glass in a blatant demand for more. Jaime smirked and took the glass from him, filling it up.

"And we wouldn't want that would we," Jaime said with a grin, heavy sarcasm littering his voice.

"The problem with you, Jaime, is you have yet to learn that we need people in our lives who won't put up with our shit."

"I don't exactly see you with anybody shoveling your shit pile."

"I have too much shit for one person to handle."

"Same here brother, same here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are all enjoying! Drop a kudos or a comment if you're in the mood!


	3. Fight The Good Fight Brad Pitt, Fight The Good Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm dyslexic."  
> Brienne's confused face fell back into place before, oh... oh, she's mad now.  
> "Gods be damned Jaime! I fucking thought you were losing your shit!"
> 
> Jaime has a small panic attack, Brienne just thinks he's fucking retarded, and I try to write a story.

Jaime had arrived at the library an hour early and reviewed some of the stories they'd learned in Mrs. Stark's class. He had some difficulty dealing with the Shakespearean works and tried to focus, but, in the end, felt himself get increasingly frustrated at his lack of progress. The words just blended together and meshed messily, and he was so close to gauging his own eyes out any moment now.

He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes and watched the splotches of green, yellow, and purple explode behind his eyelids. He sighed loudly and dropped his head to the solid oak table. Two heavy literature books and a notepad with his messy scrawl lay close to him.

A heavy thud smacked against the table next to his head and, alarmed, he sat up suddenly. Brienne Tarth was smirking down at him, her own heavy literature volume laying unassuming near his own.

"No napping Lannister," She said coolly. Jaime blinked before running a hand over his face and twisted his usual smirk back on.

"Wasn't napping Hagrid, merely admiring the wood work on this magnificent table," Jaime grinned when Brienne rolled her eyes and settled her bag on the table and took the seat across from him.

"So Brad Pitt, do you even know which story you want to do the presentation on?" Brienne drawled out opening her book and rummaging through her bag. Jaime shrugged, flipped through his book, and tried to ignore the way none of the words made sense in his brain.

"Brad Pitt? That's a new one. I don't think anyone has called me that. I'll need to write that one down."

"It's because I'm utterly creative, other people just cannot keep up with my wit," Brienne muttered sarcastically. Jaime felt a grin slip on his face.

"I cannot let Tyrion meet you. It would be fucking unbearable," He whispered to himself. Brienne cast him a wary glance before she pulled out a large notebook and a pencil.

"So?" She asked, obviously getting down to business. Jaime rolled his eyes and huffed his dissatisfaction but grabbed his notebook and pen all the same.

"What story were you thinking about doing?" Jaime asked and hoped to save himself the embarrassment and judgment Brienne would surely cast on him for not knowing anything.

"What about _The Taming Of The Shrew_? That should be up your alley," Brienne said while she flipped meticulously through the pages of her book.

Jaime's leg bounced under the table at top speed but a grin graced his features. They'd only skimmed over parts of the story in class, and sure, he knew some about the play but not everything he's sure he'll need to know to write a fucking  _report_ with Brienne. Plus there's was the collage they'd have to do and then the presentation. _Fuck_. Jaime was not prepared.

His leg bounced harder.

"Well, do you like it? I mean this is a two person project," Jaime asked and tried desperately to keep the anxiousness out of his voice. Maybe she'd pick a play or story he knew more about before they had to actually get to work.

"What's up with you?" Brienne asked, her hands splayed on the pages and a questioning look plastered on her face.

"Fuck." It was all he could manage and all the air in him left when he said the statement. Brienne's eyebrows rose and her lips twitched downward.

"Are you having a panic attack?"

"I... maybe."

"Fuck the seven. Why?" Brienne asked and Jaime saw her brow crease with concern. Jaime shook his head and opened his mouth to say something but just took a deep breathe instead.

"Do you need water? Are you on any medication?" Brienne asked and she looked like she was about to hail the whole fucking library over to their table and are you fucking kidding me, Jaime mused, we do not fucking need that.

He grabbed her hand and she stilled. As soon as he was sure she was staying put, he released her hand and finally found his voice.

"I'm dyslexic."

Brienne's confused face fell back into place before, oh... oh, she's mad now.

"Gods be damned Jaime! I fucking thought you were losing your shit!" Brienne half shouted. Jaime blinked in surprise and went to open his mouth again but a stern looking librarian rounded the corner and 'sh'-ed them. Brienne gave an apologetic smile before she turned back to Jaime with a scowl on her face.

"So, you're dyslexic, and? Why would that be cause for you to have a panic attack?" Her rant wasn't as loud as the one before, but it still held some venom and Jaime just gaped like a fish.

"I tried to read the stories but I'm drowning right now. The fucking words don't make sense, and I swear to the gods I used to be able to read better but I'm under a lot of stress right now and shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. It's just fucking embarrassing alright?" Jaime answered back in a harsh whisper. He saw Brienne's eyes soften and she slumped back into her seat.

"Dude, I'm not going to judge you because you have a small learning disorder. Like, holy shit, do I come off that bitchy?" Brienne asked running a hand through her hair. Jaime mimicked the gesture and wondered if it was a twin nervous habit for both of them.

"No, you don't come off bitchy, Little John."

Brienne's eyes lost their softness and they did such a complicated roll, Jaime was half tempted to get the score cards out.

"Never mind, you're perfectly fine. Now, what story?" She asked again picking up her pen and flipping through the pages. Jaime furrowed his brow.

"I told you already-"

"Yeah, you told me you're dyslexic, not that you're mentally handicapped. We went over the stories in class, you should know a bit about each. If you've forgotten I can go over them with you. I wrote extensive notes and I can read them to you if it comes to that. We'll just have to study orally if that makes you comfortable."

Jaime's eyes flashed at the mention of oral and he felt the filthy smile slide on his lips, but Brienne's hand came out of nowhere and settled itself over the entirety of his face.

"I know what you're thinking and don't you fucking say it. Gods you're such a pig," Brienne said with a sneer and removed her hand. Jaime laughed quietly and turned his attention to the books.

" _The Taming Of The Shrew_? That's a good one right? I remember a bit about Petruchio and Kate?" Jaime asked, the adrenaline left his body and an ease settled in. Brienne smiled lightly.

"Yeah it's a good one. We can do that. I wrote some in depth notes. We can go over them ora-" Brienne stopped and gave Jaime a pointed look, "verbally first, and then if you want, I can read you some of the play's passages if you feel like you need further explanation. Or, you know, if you want your own interpretation of it put in the paper."

"Uh, yeah, thanks," Jaime cleared his throat. "Thanks."

Brienne nodded and they got to business.

Three hours passed and they were in a heated debate over Petruchio's choice in action of breaking Kate's iron will.

"It's total bullshit and you know it!" Brienne said with flushed cheeks and half scowl. Jaime instead was smiling brilliantly and had a hand pointed at Brienne.

"But, she was a total bitch!"

"He  _starved_ her!" Brienne said obviously, throwing a hand in the air. Jaime snorted inelegantly.

"Okay, so no points for that but still," Jaime said. Brienne rolled her eyes, and dear gods  _how_ does she do that without having an aneurism?

"He ripped up all of her fucking clothes and wouldn't let her sleep," Brienne pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow. Jaime threw up his hands in defeat.

"Okay, okay, yeah he was a fucking dick for most of it, but I mean he did love her at the end of the day. He even felt guilty right? He just wanted to show her how stubborn she'd been."

"Well he was a stubborn jackass himself too! And, yeah, okay so they we're in love at the end of it all, but, what, it never occurred to him to be kind?" Brienne asked. Jaime shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe he never knew kindness from a woman," Jaime said nonchalantly and looked away, a familiar emotion bubbled in his stomach.

 _'Why have the gods made me love such a hateful woman_.' Jaime shook off the memory.

Brienne studied him for a bit and made a motion to speak when a chime sounded from her jacket pocket. She paused before she unlocked it and slumped down in her seat with a small smile before she texted back with lightning speed. She peered at him over the top of her phone and then eyed her notebook.

She pocketed her phone before she faced him again.

"I'm going to go, I have a dinner date with my friends," She said packing up. Jaime's mouth went slack and his hands tightened on the table.

"But what about studying and helping me out?"

She slid her notebook over to him with one hand with a tiny smirk on her face.

"I'll leave my notes for you-"

"I can't-" He interrupted.

"Yes you can, just try to be calm and slow down when you read the words. My notes are short and most of it was covered today, so it's review. You have my number if you've got any questions. Shoot me a short text if you're up for it, or call me later tonight if you really, really, can't figure something out," Brienne stared at him and then let a real smile grace her features. "Have some faith."

Jaime struggled for a few moments before he settled on a smile as well.

"Okay."

"Good. Now, fight the good fight Lannister," Brienne said smirking as she turned on her heel to go. Jaime stood up suddenly, almost knocking over his chair in the process. Brienne was a bit startled but waited.

"Jaime," He said, "Call me Jaime."

Brienne bit her lip and looked to the ground before she turned back to him with a grin.

"Fight the good fight... Jaime."

And she walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing this.  
> Leave a kudos or comment if you'd like!


	4. Your Areolas Are Showing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You go out with him practically every day Bri. You even hang out with him at bars. Something is cooking and I'm in the kitchen waiting for the dish to be served, so what is on the menu chef? Lannister a la carte?"  
> ***  
> "Watching you interact socially is like watching a dog chase its own tail. Entertaining as hell, but still a little sad at the same time."  
> ***  
> "'The usual' ?"  
> "Oh, I KNOW right."  
> ***  
> Jaime glanced up and there was staff and people and oh look how'd the cops get here so fast. Were some eating at the restaurant already? He looked to his right and Brienne stood there with tears in her eyes and Margeary holding her hand but giving a thumbs up at Jaime, and Tyrion had his hand over his face. Probably massaging the oncoming headache.  
> Well, fuck.  
> ***  
> Tyrion was fucking right. What an asshole.
> 
> In which the story progresses at a turtle's pace and I find myself reaching for a beer as I write this chapter. I'm so sorry fourth chapter, I really am.

"How's the project going?" Margaery asked as she lifted a dainty forkful of salad to her lips. Brienne shrugged and took a large bite of her own burger and contemplated it herself. It'd been two weeks since Brienne and Jaime had had their sort-of break through moment in the library. They still bickered but it was peppered with smirks and laughing.

"It's... good. He's different from the beginning. He's still rude as fuck and sarcastic but he doesn't go out of his way to be actually hurtful. I don't know, he's a cool dude. I mean, I guess," Brienne muttered and sipped her totally unhealthy glass of cola. Marge raised a brow and smirked her signature smirk.

"I asked about the project, not Jaime Bri."

Margaery eyed Brienne and tossed her hair over her shoulder with  a glint of Satan in her eyes. Brienne gave her a suspicious glance.

"Have you guys fucked yet?" Marge asked and Brienne choked on her carbonated drink. The fizz traveled up her nose and the sensation burned her eyes and Marge was unsympathetic as shit. A waiter hurried over and gave Brienne some water. She thanked him profusely before she turned to Margaery with watery eyes and a wrecked voice.

"What the fuck are you on about?" Brienne asked, her throat raspy and sensitive. Marge smiled evilly and winked in response.

"Two words babe: sexual tension."

Brienne dabbed at her eyes with the hem of her sleeve and when she finished she made sure to pointedly roll them at Marge.

"Okay first, you're a bitch for not helping me with my soda. Second, you're dead wrong about any fucking sexual tension between Lannister and me," Brienne said matter of factly and pointed at Margaery. Marge gave Brienne an incredulous look.

"You go out with him practically every day Bri. You even hang out with him at bars. Something is cooking and I'm in the kitchen waiting for the dish to be served, so what is on the menu chef? Lannister a la carte?" Margaery sat back in her seat and neatly took a drink from the straw in her mineral enhanced lemon water.

Brienne couldn't help but smile before she ducked her head to her hands and then looked back to Marge.

"It's all talk about the project Marge, it's due in two more weeks and we still have to put together the presentation. We're lucky as fuck that the paper was easy to write _and_  smart. Jaime did the collage in record time. We hang out at a stupid sport's bar where we go over ideas, staying at the library is boring.

I can't have a male friend?" Brienne asked gently. Marge was still eyeing her with a omnicious smirk.

"You can have male friends. You just can't be just friends with Jaime. It's a feeling. Trust in my psychic abilities," Marge tapped her own nose.

"Right now I'm trusting you have  _psychotic_ abilities."

"Fuck you I'm perfect," Margaery laughed.

"Eat your fucking salad Thumper," Brienne rolled her eyes but smiled brightly all the same.

****************

"Can I meet her yet?" Tyrion asked Jaime as they strolled through town. Jaime glanced down at Tyrion. His sunglasses tinting his brother a shade of orange.

"Why would I introduce her to you? You'd both reach a new level of sass the world is just not ready to handle," Jaime tittered back and enjoyed the sun on his skin. It'd been awfully rainy these past summer months and it'd finally started being sunny. Jaime grinned fondly at the many times Brienne had arrived to the bar or library drenched and pissed off and armed with all kinds of amazing verbal jabs.

"It's customary to introduce your girlfriend to you're family fuckwad," Tyrion said obviously as they passed a group of women who he oggled quite blatantly and caused them to giggle flirtasiously.

"Stop harassing the college freshmen," Jaime smirked and continued, "And she's not my girlfriend. She's a wench who's my companion of japes."

Tyrion stared after the girls as they walked away.

"They're legal aren't they? I'll flirt if I want too. As with the Brienne matter, I'm calling bullshit that she isn't your girlfriend," Tyrion turned and looked at him. His sunglasses were pulled slightly down his nose and his mix matched eyes were full of mirth.

"Bri's not my girlfriend. We just hang out and shit. She's just super cool and she's not afraid to call me out on my bullshit. Plus she didn't give a fuck about my dyslexia," Jaime countered pointing matter of factly at Tyrion. Tyrion just smirked superiorly at him.

"And what did I say about people in our lives who don't put up with our shit?" Tyrion asked and continued walking. Jaime stood there with a small grin before following his brother.

"She's Brienne. She's different."

"Watching you interact socially is like watching a dog chase its own tail. Entertaining as hell, but still a little sad at the same time." Tyrion peered over his shoulder at him. Jaime raised a brow and quickly matched pace with his waddling brother.

"You know, I didn't know Snow White had an eighth dwarf named Shithead? Where was he in the story?"

"Whoring as usual you turd blossom. Now, I'm in the mood for a beer," Tyrion smiled, rubbing his small hands together. Jaime laughed and leaned down to pat his brother on the back.

"You're always in the mood for a beer."

"Beer is proof that the gods love us and want us to be happy," Tyrion supplied and promptly scanned the area before walking towards the nearest restaurant.

"Am I invited?"

"Can you drink?"

"I'll drink you under the table!"

"I can fit under the table jackass!"

****************

"Do you want a beer?" Brienne asked Marge as she stood to walk to the bar.

"Why don't you wait for a waiter to come by?"

"Faster to just go to the bar myself don't you think? That way I can just grab it and head back."

Margaery nodded her head and Brienne turned quickly, almost running straight into someone.

"Oh gods I'm sorry-" Brienne looked up and saw a sweltering familiar smirk. "Lannister."

"Which one?" A voice said below and Brienne glanced down to find a very short man with different eyes and equally familiar hair color.

"Hey there Brienne," Jaime smiled and moved his fingers in a jolly little wave. Brienne rolled her eyes fondly and mirrored it back.

"This is Brienne?" The short one asked again.

"I'm assuming you're Tyrion," Brienne smiled politely and offered a hand out. Tyrion eyed her for a moment before taking it with a smile.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're the tallest woman I'd ever seen."

"You're brother said something similar the first time we'd met, though not as elequently," Brienne threw a smirk and sideways glance at Jaime who looked mock offended.

"Shame on you Jaime. No manners at all. Excuse him Brienne, he's a neanderthal with a pretty face."

Jaime snorted next to her. Brienne smiled wide.

"And who is this?" Tyrion asked turning to the table Margaery was seated at. Marge waved hello before standing and offering her hand.

"Hi, I'm Margaery Tyrell. I'm Brienne's best friend and part time matchmaker."

"Hello, I'm Tyrion Lannister. I'm Jaime's more handsome brother and full time matchmaker," Tyrion raked his eyes lazily over Marge and she eyed him like a cat would a fish already out of water.

"Oh gods Marge," Brienne groaned. Jaime laughed loudly before he seated himself directly by Brienne's chair. Tyrion did the same by Marge.

"Excuse me?" Brienne asked with a raised brow, still standing.

"We came for a beer, but a meal sounds good too right? Why not share it with friends?" Jaime grabbed the hem of Brienne's shirt and tugged her towards the table. She pinched the back of his hand until he let go and gave her a pout. She snorted in amusement.

"So you must be Jaime hmm?" Marge asked sharing a strange glance with Tyrion. Jaime turned his attention away from Brienne.

"How rude of me, yes, I'm Jaime Lannister. Nice to meet you," He said with a full blast of charm. Tyrion snickered and grabbed Brienne's cola and took a drink. She stared at him incredulously.

"That was mine."

"Well it still is, and how nice of you to share!" Tyrion said with a smile and Brienne gaped at him but a grin tugged at the corner of her lips.

"Lannister men, just invading my life. It must be my curse."

"Or it's an honor." Jaime winked at her and she placed her hands on her hips.

" _You_ should be honored, peasant."

"Wench."

"You're an asshat."

"But, I'm you're asshat," Jaime replied, beaming at her. She sighed in mock exaustion.

"Oh stop flirting and sit down Bri," Margaery ordered, smiling behind her glass of water. Brienne rolled her eyes. Tyrion guffawed and pointed at Jaime who shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

"I was about to go get some beer, want any?" Brienne asked pointing towards the bar across the sea of tables. Jaime stood up and pushed her lazily towards the table, his hand on the small of her back. She felt a blush spread over her throat.

"Don't worry I'll get it. It's what Tyrion and I came in for anyways. Sit Bri, relax. Everyone wants a beer right? Any specific label?"

"A Red Wedding," Tyrion supplied, again taking a drink from Brienne's cola. Marge looked to Tyrion with a scrunched nose.

"Don't they have a light version of a Red Wedding? I've never been too fond of a dark brew."

"There's a Purple Wedding," Tyrion answered and Marge lit up.

"I'll have a Purple Wedding."

Jaime looked to Brienne.

"The usual?" He asked. Brienne nodded.

"Okay one Red Wedding, one Purple Wedding, and two Oathkeepers. No problem."

As Jaime turned to leave Brienne got up. He looked at her confused.

"You'll need help carrying the drinks," She said with a smile and then promptly walked ahead of him. He started after her.

" _'The usual'_?" Tyrion asked and shared a glance with Margaery.

"Oh, I  _know_ right."

**********************

"What do you think they're talking about?" Brienne asked as they waited at the bar for their turn to order. Jaime was saddled by her side, attempting to get her to play a game of thumb war during the wait.

"Tyrion's probably throwing heaps of the old Lannister charm on your poor friend," Jaime answered. Brienne snorted and cast a look at Jaime who was staring at her.

"What? You don't believe in Lannister charm?" He asked with a smirk. Brienne shook her head and pursed her lips comically.

"No, no I don't."

"You don't think I could woo you?" Jaime asked and folded himself closer to her. Brienne stilled. This was some territory they'd never really crossed. Sure there were jokes and sometimes Brienne thought Marge could hold some truth about her and Jaime's weird friendship being more, but this was Jaime. Jaime who called her wench on a daily basis, and made fun of her hand writing and her giant hoodie that she liked to wear to the library, though she knows he secretly likes it because he'll take Brienne's hoodie clad arm and rest his head on it when he got a headache from reading too long. Brienne took a breathe before she glanced at Jaime through the corner of her eye.

"Jaime, there is no way any of your charm would work on me," Brienne gave him a pointed look before grabbing his hand and declaring a thumb war.

"It would too. You'd fall in absolute love with me," Jaime said but his eyes were trained on their conjoined hands. Brienne felt her belly flutter. Fuck, come on Brienne, this is Jaime. He's never serious about anything.

"I prefer you as you are. Real."

Jaime glanced up at her and Brienne felt her face flush. She hurried to stammer out an explanation.

"You know, the asshole you. I like your sarcasm," Brienne focused her eyes on their battling thumbs. He had her thumb pinned. Fucking dicks, she'd win the next round.

"You think I'm witty?" Jaime asked with a slow smile. Brienne raised her brows.

"Don't get carried away now," Brienne smiled. Jaime opened his mouth when,

"Wow, 'BriBri', long time no see huh?"

Brienne immediantly froze. Fucking Ron Connington.

She turned and saw the old but familiar red hair, sharp nose and chin. He'd grown a beard. Her throat closed for a second but her gaze steeled against him.

"You need to fucking leave," She warned. Jaime immediantly crowded to her side, almost shielding her from Ron.

"Who the fuck is this?" Jaime asked giving Ron a condescending glare and superior smirk. Ron looked between Brienne and Jaime.

"I'm an old friend. Brienne and I share some personal history don't we babe?" His lips twisted up in a smile and Brienne practically lunged at him, the hate in her belly boiling up. She felt like she was going to puke. Jaime stopped her by moving into her way.

"Brienne, go back to the table. Go back. I'll get the drinks, hey, look at me. I'll handle it," Jaime whispered to her. He grabbed her hand in a reassuring squeeze before he gently grabbed her hip and pushed her back in the direction of the table. Brienne glared at Ron and then looked to Jaime who nodded in return. She left reluctantly.

Jaime turned swiftly back to Ron.

"I'll ask again, who the fuck are you?" Jaime asked with a hardness to his voice. Ron's smile brightened.

"Ron Connington. Wow, I thought the big bitch had it lucky when I was fucking her, didn't know she'd upgrade to someone like you. How'd she do it? I mean I know she's tight, but what other skills had she mastered to bag-"

Jaime's fist collided solidly with Ron's face. The other man fell to the ground and blood poured from his nose. Jaime crouched to the floor by him as some people screamed and he thought he could hear Brienne and Tyrion say his name in the distance but he couldn't be sure since there was a thick buzz going through his head.

"I don't want you to fucking think about her. You don't fucking say her name. Or I'll find you and end you do you hear me motherfucker? I will fucking end you. Brienne is a fucking godsdamned angel. I swear to the gods if you touch my-"

"Sir! I'm going to need you to step away from the man on the floor and leave!"

Jaime glanced up and there was staff and people and oh look how'd the cops get here so fast. Were some eating at the restaurant already? He looked to his right and Brienne stood there with tears in her eyes and Margaery holding her hand but giving a thumbs up at Jaime, and Tyrion had his hand over his face. Probably massaging the oncoming headache.

Well, fuck.

************************

"The officer isn't filing a report," Brienne said dumbly to him as they walked outside and were greeted by an onslaught of rain. So much for the sunshine. Jaime looked over to her then to his bandaged hand.

"Yeah, old friend of my dad's."

"You mean _bought_ friend of our dad's," Tyrion sneared. Margaery's phone beeped and she checked it with a sigh.

"My grandma wants me to come over. Want me to drive you back to the dorms Bri? It's like pouring out here."

Brienne shook her head. She felt, she felt fucking weird to tell you the truth.

"No, I'm good. I'll walk."

"But you hate the rain," Jaime and Marge said in unison. Tyrion raised his brows, Marge did too. Brienne shrugged and turned to Jaime.

"It'll do good to clear my head."

"Could you drop me and Jaime off?" Tyrion asked and Marge nodded.

"I think I'll stay with Brienne," Jaime hurried to say. They all looked at him.

"I'll meet up with you at the apartment. It's not that far of a walk considering," Jaime glared at Tyrion when he opened his mouth to say something. Tyrion in turn put his hands up in submission.

"Fine, fine, fine. Would you please m'lady?" Tyrion asked turning to Margaery. She smiled and nodded but not before hugging Brienne and hugging Jaime before whispering in his ear,

"Thank you for punching Connington, he's a cunt, but if you hurt her, know I'll RUIN you in the slowest way possible."

She pulled away from him with an angelic smile.

"Thanks again Jaime. Be safe Bri, see you at the dorms!"

Tyrion cast Jaime a suspicious glance as Jaime watched Marge hurriedly scamper through the rain to her car. Tyrion followed at his own pace.

Brienne turned abruptly and started walking down the sidewalk at a brisk canter. Jaime almost tripped running after her. The rain was in sheets firing down on them and they were soaked through by the time Jaime grabbed Brienne's arm and half dragged her to some salvation under a tree with a bench underneath it. They needed a little privacy anyway.

"Hey, hey, Brienne, I'm sorry I punched that guy. Okay no, I'm not sorry I punched him, I'm sorry it made you cry," Jaime said trying to get a look at her. Her face was cast down and she had pulled in on herself on the bench. Jaime sat down next to her and reflexively laid his arm across the back of the bench she was occupying. He tossed his head back and closed his eyes. Some silence passed between them beofre he felt her weight as she settled against the back of the bench and his arm. It was a bit chilly and her warmth was appreciated.

He felt her hesitate before she scooted into his side and relaxed.

"I wasn't crying because you punched him," Brienne whispered. He would have barely caught it in the midst of all the rain smacking the ground had she not been sitting by him.

"Brienne?" He asked pulling to attention and turned his body towards her. She held his gaze and sighed before looking down and rubbing the thighs of her jeans. It was a nervous habit of hers, Jaime knew.

"That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Beating up jerks. I mean I could have but-" Brienne started.

"Once in a while it's nice for other people to beat up your jerks for you. He didn't deserve one of your punches. You shouldn't have to touch the walking embodiment of shit," Jaime interuppted. He grabbed one of her hands and she stilled.

"You know, that still doesn't explain why you were crying."

"I thought you were going to get into trouble over me and my problems," Brienne admitted and and raked her eyes over the tree above them.

"You would've done the same for me Shrek," Jaime said with a small smile. Brienne rolled her eyes at the name but she smirked and that was a damn good start in Jaime's book. All he needed was a smile. A laugh would be even better.

Brienne pushed her water matted hair back and looked over to Jaime before pointing to his chest.

"Your areolas are showing."

Jaime looked down and let go of her hand to flatten the white shirt across his chest. Clear as day, there were his nipples.

"Hmm. Would you look at that." He grinned lazily at her.

"You're such a slut Jaime Lannister." Brienne laughed loudly and it was genuine and Jaime's heart warmed. She gave him a cheeky smile and Jaime stilled because he didn't realize just how blue her eyes were. Were they always that blue? Then, realization.

"Shit," He muttered. Brienne raised her brow.

"Jaime?"

He gave her a weak smile but she returned it and he curled his hand around her shoulders.

Tyrion was fucking right. What an _asshole_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to update! I've had a lot of stuff happening at the moment but I'm ready to get back into this story! Sort of angsty chapter, but hey, this is Brienne and Jaime. They're both going to need our help right? Amateurs.


	5. See You Later She-Hulk, See You later Tinkerbell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And then, don't even get me started, she fucking laughed. Who has the audacity to laugh while being so obliviously sexy? Right? Okay but here's the fucked up part, two seconds later we're bantering and she fucking insults me with so much skill, my ego should be decimated, fucking nonexistent, splooshed. But it's not. In fact, it turns me even more on to see her stupid face with her crooked teeth and lips smirking at me and shit. And her eyes were so fucking blue. Tyrion help me. I need help."  
> **  
> "You're lucky that I come over here for your fully stocked refrigerator. If not, who'd else would you bitch about your period to?"  
> **  
> "He makes me laugh and it disturbs me greatly how fucking attractive he is when he smiles. Like, fuck, how do you look like a god just daily then pull out the card of you fucking beaming at me when I say something remotely funny or sarcastic."  
> **  
> "So you got a non-date that is totally a date but he just doesn't know."  
> "What the fuck am I going to wear?"
> 
> Brienne and Jaime talk to their respective therapists again. One of the therapists may be bordering on drunk, and I certainly am. Hello fifth chapter, welcome to hell. My apologies if it's not warm enough.

Tyrion is propped on Jaime's couch with a cold slice of pizza in one hand and a stress ball in the other. He's been sitting there for the past hour listening to Jaime ramble on about his dilemma concerning Brienne. It was nine in the morning; far too early to be dealing with this shit.

"I'm caught in the middle between wanting to strangle her sexy neck and kiss her stupid face. But what does that even fucking mean right? I mean, we spent two fucking hours under that tree just  _talking_ and I have never been more attracted to someone in my life. We talked about her too because usually I'm too much of an asshole to really delve deep into the depths of Brienne, but anyway it was nice. Plus she did this thing where she pulled her wet hair behind her ear when she was looking at this gods fucking tree, so she wasn't even looking at me, but it was such a fucking turn on. And _then_ , don't even get me started, she fucking _laughed_. Who has the audacity to laugh while being so obliviously sexy? Right? Okay but here's the fucked up part, two seconds later we're bantering and she fucking insults me with so much skill, my ego should be decimated, fucking nonexistent, _splooshed_. But it's not. In fact, it turns me even more on to see her stupid face with her crooked teeth and lips smirking at me and shit. And her eyes were so fucking _blue_. Tyrion help me. I need help," Jaime groaned from the ground. He was face first on the hard wood floor and he looked extremely pathetic. Like, like a kid who accidently popped his balloon, or, you know, a dog who's recently lost his balls.

Tyrion took a bite of his pizza and chewed slowly, still hung-over from his night before. He should never have been bar hopping with Bronn and Pod. It had a good fucking time written all over it with a side of a disaster for the morning after.

"You're lucky that I come over here for your fully stocked refrigerator. If not, who'd else would you bitch about your period to?" Tyrion grunted looking down at the squid like form his brother had become. Jaime rolled on his back and narrowed his eyes at Tyrion. He slowly raised his middle finger in the air in a dramatic show.

"Fuck you little brother."

"No thanks."

"I thought you'd be happy I've realized my feelings for my own personal Iron Giant," Jaime drawled, letting his arm drop down with a loud smack onto the wood. Tyrion startled at the loud noise and willed his headache away. The gods save him.

"I am happy that my emotionally stunted brother has realized he has feelings for another person. Kudos Jaime, bravo brother, congratulations my kin, celebrate the times come on," Tyrion sassed. Jaime snorted.

"Your level of sarcasm is at a ten, I'm going to need you at a three."

Tyrion sighed and chewed another pizza bite.

"Sorry, I'm a little hungover and you're being a teenager," Tyrion said softly in apology.

"I'm not a teenager," Jaime hummed from the floor. Tyrion smirked and raised a brow.

"Essentially this is your first relationship ever, well, not  _even_ a relationship. We actually still need to build up to that part. Fuck Jaime, could you be any more of a hassle?"

"This won't be easy will it?" Jaime asked sitting up from the floor. He looked over to Tyrion who was still working on his pizza slowly. Jaime raised his own brow in contemplation if Tyrion was still hung-over or still drunk. Damn, that little man's liver was a thing to behold.

"Nothing is ever easy, especially relationships. But, hey, it's the adventure right?" Tyrion encouraged. He smiled at Jaime and gave him a thumbs up.

"When does this start feeling fun?" Jaime asked with a dramatic pout. Tyrion rolled his eyes but stopped halfway through when the room started to spin uncontrollably.

"You're not having fun right now? I'm having loads of it," Tyrion said amused. Jaime rolled his own eyes but smiled lightly and opted to get off his floor. He stretched lazily and walked to his kitchen to grab a glass of orange juice.

"So in all honesty, with me calling on the sanctity of our brotherhood and love as siblings, what the fuck should I do to win this girl who views my entire being as the walking definition of a dickbag?" Jaime asked, walking from the kitchen with a glass of O-J in his hands. He leaned against the doorway to his kitchen and ran his nails over the back of his neck. Tyrion glanced his way with a biting comment on his tongue but it died when he saw the actual fear and nervousness etched on Jaime's face. Never in his life had he seen Jaime this way. Well, wit and dry humor can wait another day, time to step up to the plate of supporting brother.

"I think you should call her, take the time to court her properly, and then ask her out for a date. I get the vibe she's a good girl. Respectable."

"Damn right my wench is," Jaime smiled over the rim of his glass as he took a drink. Tyrion laughed in response, not even caring that it made him dizzy, or his head pound.

"How's the pizza?" Jaime asked with a fond grin. Tyrion calmed down and looked down to the half eaten slice.

"You know it's actually-" 

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Tyrion placed a small hand over his mouth and gagged.

"Tyrion?" Jaime asked with concern. He took a step towards the couch but Tyrion waved a hand at him.

"Dude, I think pizza may not have been such a good choice. I may or may not still be a little more drunk than I thought. Oh gods."

Tyrion gagged again and tossed the rest of the pizza slice on the floor behind him. Realization dawned on Jaime's face, then the disgust.

"Oh fuck no, you are not puking on my couch. No, no, I fucking forbid it you shitstain!" Jaime set his glass down and traversed the steps over to Tyrion with lighting speed.

"If you touch me I might just projectile vomit on you," Tyrion muttered. He closed his eyes and waited for the nausea to pass. Jaime paused then left and grabbed a quick glass of water and an aspirin for his brother.

"Hey, any better? I grabbed some water and a-"

And that was it, that was all Jaime could say before Tyrion tactfully turned his head in time to not spray his brother with puke, and instead decimate his poor couch who never in it's worn out life hurt anybody. It was a pacifist.

"Fucking seven hells Tyrion!"

Jaime hurried and set the water and pill down before running through his apartment to grab towels to clean up the mess.

"I'm super sorry Jaime," Tyrion mumbled then gagged and up chucked some more. Jaime watched in horror as the mess furthered itself.

"Fuck," Tyrion slurred and then fell asleep sitting on the unmarred section of the couch. Jaime threw the towels at his brother who startled awake.

"Nope, you don't get to sleep shitstain until you clean this up!"

"Jaime, just let me relax dude. I need to get cleaned up."

"You  _need_ to clean  _this_ up!" Jaime pointed at the mess and scrunched his nose at the foul smell.

"I will, just I'm really tired-"

Tyrion's snores started again.

"Godsdamnit Tyrion! How does this much vomit come out of such a tiny man?"

***

"Marge, I'm fucking screwed," Brienne said pacing their shared dorm. Margaery was giggling to herself as she watched her bestfriend's meltdown.

"You're fine, you just happen to like someone," Margaery snickered behind her manicured hand. Brienne snorted and turned to face Marge.

"Yeah that may have been the case in another reality, but this is Jaime Lannister we're talking about! I mean one minute he's saying my face is a Picasso painting on crack, then he's punching Ron fuckface Connington!"

"And that is fucking admirable. I give him two thumbs up and a free cupcake," Marge smirked and continued to watch the way Brienne ranted. It was rare to get this much out of the girl and Margaery was thinking about breakng out the popcorn.

"He stayed for _two hours_ with me last night. _Two hours_ in the rain under a big ass tree, it was like a scene out of The Notebook. Marge, we talked about a bunch of stuff. He let me go on, and on, and on about my past with Hyle and Ron and then it went deeper into talks about my major here and what music I liked and TV shows," Brienne paused, "Margaery, we have common interests." Brienne looked pained and held a hand over her chest. Marge nodded in mock sympathy.

"I started out  _loathing_ this guy and then he turned out to be smart and nice when he wants to be and I actually enjoy when he starts cracking jokes. He makes me laugh and it disturbs me greatly how fucking attractive he is when he smiles. Like, fuck, how do you look like a god just daily then pull out the card of you fucking  _beaming_ at me when I say something remotely funny or sarcastic," Brienne whined before falling inelegantly on her bed. Margaery couldn't hold it back any longer and laughed loudly.

"I have never seen you like this! Gods Bri, you really like this guy huh?" Marge asked sitting up in her own bed. She was excited beyond compare for her friend.

"It only hit me last night how much. He gave me this look, like he'd just seen me for the first time but it was brief, and maybe I'm crazy, but I felt like kissing him."

"Did you make any notion that maybe you like him? Anything to help your chances of getting into a relaionship with Jaime?"

"I just act like myself when I'm around him. We laugh, talk, occassionally insult one another, grab a beer, and," Brienne stopped herself abruptly and in a tangle of limbs and blankets, straightened herself so she was kneeling on her bed with a hand over her mouth. "I sound like a dude!"

Margaery furrowed her brows together.

"I'm sorry, you're going to need to act like a human being and explain further," Marge said calmly looking at Brienne's slightly manic face.

"I mean that hanging out with me is like hanging out with a guy friend. 'Oh, hey let's grab a beer with Brienne, she's like one of the guys!' How many times has your brother and Renly said that?" Brienne asked pointing at a photo of Margaery with her brother Loras and Renly his boyfriend.

"But they're gay!"

"Exactly!"

"Bri, stop it. I think that your doing just fine. Never stop being yourself for a guy, it's not worth it. How can you be true to someone else if you're not true to yourself?" Margaery gave Brienne a pointed look that shut the other girl's questioning mouth. "All you need is some confidence to get his attention. You need to start dropping hints that your interests have dropped their full time job with this project, to a part time job involving his personality and dick."

"You're so fucking crude," Brienne said scrunched face. She ran both of her hands through her hair and closed her eyes for a minute before she cast a glance to Marge.

"Do you think I have a chance?"

Margaery's gaze softened and a small smile danced on her lips. She got up from her bed and crossed the small space to sit by Brienne before she tossed her arm over her best friend's shoulders.

"Bri, you are an emotionally constipated individual," Brienne snorted but Marge held up a finger to halt any further protests, "But you are the kindest, strongest, funniest, and most daring person I know. You are beautiful whether you believe it in the physical sense or spiritual sense, and he would be a complete idiot to give up the chance to know you in a way that you rarely show."

"Why don't I just date you?" Brienne asked laughing, which caused Margaery to laugh.

"We both like penis too much, but I love you too."

"What should I do?" Brienne asked. She fisted the blanket on her bed and pulled at a loose thread.

"Call him and hang out. Do it for the both of you, not for the project and do  _not_ go to a bar. Go walk in the park, or go see a movie. Shit, go to the gym! As long as you make the time you share about the both of you. Show you're interested in his life because that's where you want to be," Margaery answered.

"How'd you get so smart?"

"I told you that I'm perfect," Margaery said getting up from Brienne's bed and tossing her hair over her shoulder. She made her way over to Brienne's dresser and grabbed her phone. She tossed it to a surprised Brienne.

"Call him."

"Now?"

"Don't break the magic from last night. Do it. Call your future husband."

"Fuck you," Brienne said but their was a smile on her face. She glanced at her phone and with her belly in knots she scrolled through her contacts and called Jaime.

It rang four times before he picked up. 

"Hey Brienne whats up?"

"Hi Jaime I was just calling to ask if you wanted to-"

"Fucking clean all of this mess up! Your little ass better get all of it and save my fucking couch!"

Brienne blinked once, then twice.

"Excuse me?" She asked over the phone.

"Oh shit! No not you! Tyrion had come over hungover and spewed chunks all over my couch. I'm making the munchkin clean it right now."

Brienne smiled as she heard a distant 'Fuck you' in the background.

"So I was calling to see if you wanted to hang out today? If you don't have any classes?"

"No, no, I don't have any classes today. You want to grab a beer?"

Brienne bit her lip.

"No, maybe more like um, the movies or something."

There was some silence over the line for a minute, then a choked out sound.

"Jaime?" Brienne asked, worried if she'd freaked him out. Fuck.

"Yes. Yes, movies sounds good. What time?"

"Uh, maybe five? I didn't exactly look up the times."

"That's okay we can just hang out before the movie then. Dinner? I'll pick you up."

Brienne smiled.

"Dinner and a movie sounds great Jaime."

"Yeah it does. Hey I was -oh fuck Tyrion! Dude, you're getting shit on the floor! I'm sorry Brienne he's being a drunk dick muncher right now."

"No I totally understand. Tell Tyrion I said hello and have fun saving that couch," Brienne laughed and she heard Jaime snort in amusement.

"See you later She-Hulk," He said fondly. Brienne grinned.

"See you later Tinkerbell." And she hung up.

"So you got a non-date that is totally a date but he just doesn't know," Marge squealed as she jumped up and down excitedly. Brienne felt giddy and light headed and then,

"What the fuck am I going to wear?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying! Leave a comment or a kudos if you'd like! I certainly love them!


	6. Ladies and Gentlemen, Satan to the Stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I see your point," Brienne started and turned a little in the mirror and witnessed the inevitable rise and showcase of her blue thong. "I can even understand a little of it. However, my vagina is so exposed and out in the open, it's received a formal social security number."  
> ***  
> "Jaime, I'm going to say this as nicely as possible, if only for the fact that you are my brother and I'm still drastically suffering from my earlier episode and a mightier than fuck hangover: you are a fucking moron," Tyrion made a show of pointing at him, "A devastatingly handsome, but completely lack-witted, dim-minded, 'smash-the-beatles-clunk-clunk', dick shit."  
> ***  
> "Everyone has skinny dipped at the pier. It's like being baptized before actually going to University. Real movie type shit."  
> ***  
> She tried to wrap her brain around if Jaime Lannister just asked her to go home with him and if it was done with enough grace to actually consider the offer.  
> ***  
> "Brienne, this is Satan."
> 
> The date goes well until it doesn't and a new character makes an appearance. Ready the rotten vegetables town's people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE!  
> A lot has been going on in my life and I'm very happy to say that I will now be able to post on the REGULAR from now on!  
> I'm so sorry this has taken forever to get updated, and it's not even the more juicier chapters! Sorry guys! Write a comment or give it a kudos if you enjoyed! thanks!

"I look like I've been sex starved for three years and now I've  _really_ got a craving for cock," Brienne said as she studied her outfit that Margaery had picked out.

It was a dress, black with thin straps, plunging neckline, real sexy shit. Except for the horrifying fact that her vagina was all but being formally introduced to society.

"No. Nope. Not happening Marge."

"Bri, the whole point is to signal that you are a sexually available woman and you want him to jump your bones. You're not _supposed_ to make it to the movies. It's barely dinner and then straight to desert," Margaery tilted her head and smirked as she looked over Brienne, "For you that means as soon as you get back into the car."

"I see your point," Brienne started and turned a little in the mirror and witnessed the inevitable rise and showcase of her blue thong. "I can even understand a little of it. However, my vagina is so exposed and out in the open, it's received a formal social security number."

"Wonderful, then your vagina can have a formal meeting with Jaime's dick."

"Fucking seven hells Marge, what am I doing?" Brienne questioned, running her hands roughly through her hair and staring at the ceiling. Margaery tilted her head fondly and smiled.

"Brienne, you're going on a date. No more, no less." Margaery picked her way through the discarded clothes on the floor and settled both of her hands on Brienne's shoulders. She squeezed lightly in comfort.

"Just enjoy yourself. Move at the pace you want to. No rush babe," she said with a gentle shake. Brienne sighed and nodded.

"I just really want his face on my face with some type of mouth and or lip action."

Marge nodded sympathetically before magically producing a pair of heels and flashing a devilish smirk Brienne's way. Brienne stepped back, not before tugging her dress down once _again_ , with her mouth open wide. She help up a singular finger and shook it vigurously.

"No. No. No. I will not wear heels. Sorry, I love you bitch but no." Brienne put her hands up and gave Margaery a stern look. It had no effect.

"Heels."

"No."

" _Heels_."

" _No_."

" ** _Heels_**."

"Fine, but no dress," Brienne said smugly.

"Fine, but no t-shirts," Marge returned with ease and a raised brow. The shoes dangled from her fingers and she tossed her hair behind her with her other hand. Brienne crossed her arms in defiance and jutted out one hip. She tapped her bare foot against the carpet.

"Minimal makeup."

"I do your hair."

Brienne struggled as a grin broke out on her face. She rolled her eyes and shook her head fondly. Margaery smiled in victory. 

"As if I had a choice from the begining. Come on then, let's get started."

***

"Wait, do I bring a condom?" Jaime stopped mid-way in buttoning his shirt. He gave a quizzical look in Tyrion's direction. Tyrion opened his eyes and pushed the ice cold glass of water away from his forehead and begrudgingly sat up straight to process his older brother's inane question.

Tyrion blinked once, then twice.

"I'm sorry, this is your first date correct?"

"Yeah?" Jaime said questioningly. He resumed buttoning his shirt. 

"Jaime, I'm going to say this as nicely as possible, if only for the fact that you are my brother and I'm still drastically suffering from my earlier episode and a mightier than fuck hangover: you are a fucking moron," Tyrion made a show of pointing at him, "A devastatingly handsome, but completely lack-witted, dim-minded, 'smash-the-beatles-clunk-clunk', dick shit."

"Wow, didn't pull out any of the stops did you?" Jaime stood hands on hips and flexed his jaw. He made a motion for Tyrion to go on before rolling up his shirt sleeves.

"Would you risk your amazon seeing that little piece of plastic in your wallet and ruining your face, all because you were dumb? Brienne is not putting out on the first unofficial date."

"Well I don't know this bullshit etiquette! Do I pay for the meal or do I let her get her plate herself? Do we switch? Do I pay for the movies and she pays for the food? Do I kiss her at the end of the night and only the end of the night? What about in the movie theatres? Does she even want to kiss me? Can I touch her boobs? Can I grope her ass? These are the questions that need motherfucking answers. I am lost in the field of twenty first century dating," Jaime pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly.

"Good gods man, you're godsdamn useless."

Jaime slowly glared at his younger brother.

"Tyrion, I will kill you. I will kill you and no one will find you because I'll stuff your little ass corpse underneathe my warzone destructed couch cushions and  no one will know until thousands of years into the future when your covered with dirt and dust and you will make scientists question if leperchauns are real."

"I feel as if you'd been waiting to make that threat," Tyrion smirked, sipping water from a straw. He swung his feet infront of him as he sat on the high kitchen stool.

"Tyrion-" Jaime started

"Jaime?" Tyrion asked innocently.  
   
Jaime took a large calming deep breathe.

"As I said before, I'm going to need your sass to fall down to atleast a 3. You're at a hard 9 right now."

Tyrion sighed and took another sip of water.

"I'm sorry. This must be really stressful for you," Tyrion offered, "But it's not that hard Jaime. Be as you normally are with her, just give it an extra romantic push. At the end of the night tell her you're interested."

"That simple?"

"Simple shit."

"What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if it gets awkward?" Jaime hesitated. Tyrion's eyes softened and he hopped off the stool, balanced himself out as the room spun a bit, and then proceeded to hold his brother's hand.

"Life isn't always fun and we're bound to have some embarassing moments. Given what you've told me about Brienne and what I've seen, even if she doesn't feel the same way about you, which she does,  she isn't going to hold anything against you. She's still going to be your friend."

"Thanks little brother," Jaime smiled. Tyrion grinned back before punching Jaime sqaurely in the balls. Jaime kneeled quickly and focused on breathing as pain flooded every nerve.

"What the actual fuck Tyiron!"

"Enough with this sappy shit, where's the wine?" Tyrion asked and rubbed his little hands together. He dissapeared into the kitchen

"You just puked all over my couch not even hours ago! And you punched me in the dick!" Jaime hissed, his face red and hands occupied cradling his sore balls.

"Let bygones be bygones." Tyrion reappeared in the kitchen doorway with a happy grin, "Look! A bottle of fine Dornish!"

"Tyrion!"

***

"Wow." Jaime whispered. He blinked and felt his heart beat faster with every step she took. Long legs encased in tight jeans, sky high pumps, black flowy shirt. Brienne was fucking hot.

"Holy-" Jaime started amazed as she finally stood in front of him and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Was she wearing mascara? Wow did her eyes pop.

"Hey," She said almost shyly. Jaime nodded, mouth agape.

"You look great!" Brienne said moitioning to his clothes. Jaime continued to stare at her, eyes roaming. Brienne coughed lightly.

"Yeah, I know. I don't usually wear this stuff. Margaery helped me out. I mean I think I look like-"

"Shit." Jaime finished finally.

Brienne's eyebows furrowed and she tilted her head.

"Shit? I look like shit?"

Jaime shook his head as he registered the last minute and a half. He shook his head.

"No," Jaime croaked. It came out cavemanesque. Tyrion would be laughing his ass off.

"No?" She asked with a raised brow.

"No I do look like shit, or no I don't look like shit?" She asked with a quirk of smile playing on her mouth. Jaime raddled his brain to salvage the situation.

"No, you are  _the_ shit."

Brienne threw back her head and laughed. She gently punched his shoulder and rolled her eyes.

"Come on Jaime, let's go eat and decide what movie we're going to see."

She made a move to round the car but Jaime beat her to it.

"Let me wench," Jaime said as he opened the car door for her. She glanced at him and gave him a smile before folding herself into his car.

He paused as he rounded the car and stared at her through the back window. This was it, this was his chance to woo his own personal giantess. By the seven if he wasn't going to kiss her by the end of the night.

He paused his stride to the driver's side door, ran a hand through his hair and fixed on his most dashing smile before entering.

"So then Little John, where do you want to eat?"

***

"You didn't!" Jaime half laughed around a mouthful of steak. Brienne nodded and tried desperatley to not spew her water all over the place. She covered her mouth and shook from her own laughter.

"Fuck the seven, what I would have given to witness that! Was your dad super pissed or only mildly annoyed?" Jaime asked leaning heavily on the table.

Brienne smiled widly and shook her head.

"I think he was more embarassed for my sake. Afterwards he always kept a spare swim suit on the deck for me and my 'nightly nude escapades' as he liked to put it. He also made it perfectly clear to me whenever he decided to throw another dinner party. I was so embarrassed back then but honestly I lived on a beach, I'm going to skinny dip."

Brienne shrugged her shoulders with a smile and went to swirl a forkful of her spaghetti.

"This shit is gold. Pure gold. Brienne, you should have told me you were a wild spirit. We would have gotten along much better in the beginning," Jaime smirked as Brienne rolled her eyes. "No, really. Might have even shared a 'nightly nude escapade' down at the pier."

Brienne paused and gave him a strange look before sitting back and smirking.

"You skinny dip at the pier?"

Jaime folded his hands across the table and tilted his head.

"Everyone has skinny dipped at the pier. It's like being baptized before actually going to University. Real movie type shit."

Brienne's mouth widened in a smile that showed her crooked teeth, but Jaime found it endearing as hell.

"I've never even swam at the pier."

Jaime gave her a dramatically shocked look.

"Why Brienne Tarth, we must remedy this as quickly as possible!" Jaime pulled out his wallet and threw down a some large bills before jumping out of his seat and grabbing her hands to lift her out of hers.

"Jaime what are you doing?" She asked tugging back at him. He grinned wickedly at her.

"We're going to swim at the pier Chewbacca. Come on the night is young!"

Brienne's heart fluttered wildly but she kept her arse firmly teathered to the chair.

"What about the movie Jaime?" She tried to deter him. He wanted to go skinny dipping at the pier! With _her_!

"Fuck the movie. Let's live a little tonight. Just you and me." He gentled his grip on her hands and tugged lightly. She bit her lip and studied his excited face. She never has swam at the pier. And it would be a chance to see Jaime naked. Fuck it.

"Alright Jaime. Let's go break the law."

He smirked triumphantly and jerked her up to him.

 For a moment before she fell into his arms, it was almost romantic. Until reality set in that they were at a restaurant and waiters do happen to come by every now and then with platters of food and drink. It was their luck that such a waiter would collide with them, just as they decided to play tug of war with two grown adults.

In a matter of seconds, they were covered with salad and it's complementary dressing, sodas, and dessert.

Brienne wiped some chocolate cake from her face and turned to look at Jaime who had salad spinach leaves in his hair and stood wide eyed. It looked like a mockery of a roman crown, especially with Italian dressing dripping from his golden brow.

Brienne couldn't take it, she laughed. And then Jaime followed. To the side of them stood a horrified waiter and half bemused customers.

***

The cool night air met them and help relieve some of the stickyness that still clung to their skin. The had half hazardly washed what they could off themselves in the bathroom and just made it out of the place after the waiter took half an hour to apologize with the manager looking on in a tuff.

"Oh my gods!" Brienne laughed and managed to  _still_ pluck some chocolate cake from her hair. Jaime chuckled behind her and reached over to help pick some pieces from her hair as well.

"We're complete messes aren't we?" She asked with an amused sigh skyward. She turned to look at him when he placed a hand on her shoulder. She raised her brow even as her heart momentarily stopped beating,

Was he going to kiss her?

He opened his mouth,

"Come home with me."

Brienne's mouth opened and closed like a fish.

"Pardon me?"

She tried to wrap her brain around if Jaime Lannister just asked her to go home with him and if it was done with enough grace to actually consider the offer.

"I mean, let's put a rain check on the pier for another day, and you can come visit my apartment and take a shower and get your clothes washed. I'm sure I have some clothes that would fit you. We can watch shit television and hang out. Neither of us have classes tomorrow so you can sleep over." He looked almost sheepish as he said it and scratched along the back of his neck. "Besides, we should probably get the stench of salad and chocolate off ourselves before the rats of King's Landing come to eat us alive."

"Jaime-"

"I mean if you don't want to-" He looked a little panicked. Jaime never looked panicked.

"No, Jaime that's not-"

"No you don't want to? Fuck I should never have-"

Brienne pressed a hard finger to his mouth. He shut up and stared up at her as she was still wearing her heels. He raised a brow as her. She raised one back at him.

"Let's go hang out at your apartment. Sounds fun."

Jaime smiled against her finger.

"Well if you insist wench."

Brienne had half a mind to smack him and kiss him in that instant. Bloody Lannister.

***

When they had gotten to Jaime's apartment, they had spent an hour and a half arguing over who should go take a shower first. Brienne insisted Jaime, Jaime had insisted Brienne. He called her stubborn, she called him stupid. Eventually Brienne relented and took her shower first. Grateful and a bit jealous of how large Jaime's bathroom was.

When she was finished washing the cake bits and makeup from her face ( _Marge is going to be so pissed all her efforts were demolished by a dessert_ ), she changed into some old grey sweats and a red t-shirt Jaime had grabbed for her. She had given her soiled clothes to Jaime who threw them into the washer he had.

When she walked out from the bathroom, Jaime was grinning broadly. She wiped the towel through her hair one more time then tossed it at him with a smile.

"What?" She asked pushing back her wet hair. Jaime made a show of eyeing her.

"You look good in red."

He smirked at her before making his way to the bathroom.

"There's a wine rack in the kitchen, pick out your favorite if Tyrion hasn't drunk everything in sight. Don't bother with glasses, we don't judge here in _casa de Jaime._ "

Brienne laughed lighty to herself just as he closed the bathroom door and she heard the shower turn on. Suddenly swarms of butterflies filled her stomach. Here she was in Jaime's house, in his clothes, about to drink the shit out of his wine.

She took a deep breathe and made her way to the kitchen with curious glances. She found the wine rack easy enough and there were still plenty of bottles on it. She picked a sweeter Arbor gold and opened it to take a swig to calm herself.

"Holy shit that's good stuff," she murmured to herself. She took another drink.

Even though he told her not to, Brienne rifled through his cabinets and selected two wine glasses and then made her way to the living room where she's sure his couch should have been. Then she remembered the poor thing's decimation at the hands of a tiny sarcastic man. She snorted in amusement at the thought of Tyrion projectile vomiting and Jaime's despaired face.

"Fuck the seven, these Lannisters are going to kill me!" She exclaimed to herself.

She sat down on the floor and poured herself a glass. She took a small sip and let her eyes drift down the hall to the bathroom door where Jaime was completely naked taking a shower.

What if she turned bold just for five minutes? Shed all of her clothes right here and just walked into his shower?

She bit her lip a bit nervously as the scene played out in her head. He's the type to take control right away, and it'd be nice to let go, _especially_ to him. He'd grab her by the waist, maybe push her up against the wall. Brienne wouldn't make it easy though. She'd-

Three loud knocks sounded at the door and stopped her little day dream. Just as soon as the knocks had been heard, the shower went off too.

"Hey Jaime, someone is at your door. Want me to answer?"

"Yeah, it's probably Tyrion. Just tell him we're busy.  If he says anything just slam the door in his face. I'll be out in a second."

Brienne sighed but stood up just the same with her wine glass in hand. She looked through the peephole but wasn't met with the sight of Tyrion, but rather red lips blocking the whole view. Brienne opened the door.

There stood one of the most beautiful women she's ever seen. She had long gold hair and wore a tight black dress with matching high heels. She had a necklace of green emeralds around her throat to match her green eyes. If anything she sort of looked like-

"Hey, who is it?" Jaime asked coming to stand beside Brienne clad in some black sweats and nothing else. He froze when he saw their guest.

"Hello Jaime," She purred. She smiled all toothy at Jaime, but it dimmed when it fell on Brienne.

Brienne narrowed her eyes a bit but turned to Jaime.

"Do you know her Jaime?"

Jaime snarled and crossed his hands over his chest. Jaime's jaw twitched and an anger ebbed his voice.

"Brienne, this is Satan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I know this is a lot to ask and all.... but would some one be willing to draw some art for this? Just some humorous scenes or even Brienne day dreaming about Jaime and vice versa? It's okay if it doesn't happen but I just think it'd be so cool!


End file.
